I looked at things differently in two ways today. One was in such a way that regarded my teaching. It was nice to be able to relax last night and not worry about teaching today. The students have a field day all day long because of their testing success over the past two weeks. The students just came in during their scheduled PE time. Outside we had different stations set up such as hacky sack, 3 legged race, wooden skis, soccer, football kick, arm wrestling, Frisbee, and jump rope/hula hoop. We let the students go out and have a go at each of their stations at their own pace. They had an hour to do what they wanted. Not only was it our PE kids, but all the students who finished their testing. They did an hour for each grade. The 6th graders had more fun with it than the eighth graders and I didn’t get to see the 7th graders outside.
The weather had gotten a little worse throughout the day so we moved some activities inside for the 7th graders. My cooperating teacher had asked if I wanted to do a dance station in the dance room. Of course I said yes because it was too windy for me outside. At first, it looked as if I wouldn’t get anybody in there and doing the dances, but they started trickling in. Of course, throughout the whole session, I only had females in there dancing. There would be a few guys who would stop by and look in the door, but none of them stayed to dance. I basically taught them all the dances that I had taught my honors class and I added a few that I hadn’t tried yet. I guess you could say it was a practice run at those dances and the girls really really liked them so it makes me feel comfortable about doing them with my honors class.
It wasn’t such a bad day after all. When we were outside in the morning, all we did is just monitor and make sure things were running smoothly. The first hour was rough because it was windy and cold. The second hour wasn’t as bad because the sun started coming out, but during the third hour, I could hear the rain and the hail hitting the windows. A couple of the students came in wet, but luckily all of this happened during the cleaning up part of the field day.
Just like the weather today, my thoughts were overcastted by yet another unfortunate tragedy that I had just learned about last night. I got a phone call from my mother who was crying. We had just talked about an hour ago and see told me she was going to see my uncle who is in the hospital. Immediately I thought that something happened to him and she was calling to inform me. Fortunately, it wasn’t about him, but it was sadly enough about another person we know. The phone call was very short but she told me that they found Ben, the son of a family that is really close to us, dead and that he either hung himself or died of a drug overdose. Unfortunately, he had gotten into drugs recently that cause a downward spiral in his life. However, what’s even more is that he was being bullied at school. I guess he couldn’t just take any more of it and he hung himself in the garage.
Ben would have been 17 today and graduating high school in a month. I feel so angry right now. Angry that he couldn’t live to see his next birthday. Angry at him for being so selfish. Angry and upset that is mother had found him and now she’ll have to live with that image for the rest of her life. Angry at the kids who bullied him into making this decision. Angry that somebody didn’t do anything to help (he had gone to counselors about it). Angry that kids these days just don’t think about their actions. They act in the moment and how they feel in the moment only to realize that once you complete the act of suicide, there is no coming back. I am angry at all these kids who have been posting things on Facebook and who think this is just a temporary thing. Do they understand the severity of this situation? Where were these so called “friends” whenever he was struggling with the ways of this world?
With these overcastting thoughts, I can’t help but look at these kids with another lens. I look at them and see that they are not much younger than what Ben was. They could be going through some similar stuff right now but you can’t see it. Will this student be in Ben’s place in 2-3 years or would this one? How can you go about saving these kids and making them feel like life is worth a lot more than just today’s satisfactions or feelings? The pain may be hard to get through today, but can they see the bigger picture of life? I have always said that God has put me in a place and has a plan for me. As I walk through the courtyard, through the fields, and in the hallways, I understand that I am here to help these kids. I just hope that I will be able to build up a relationship with all my students so that they will feel comfortable to talk to me or that I can develop in them a higher self esteem so they will be able to get through tough times like this.
Parents shouldn’t have to bury their children and no one should pass away by their own hands. There needs to be more education about bullying and preventative measures to help in situations like this. Whenever Ben sought help, the counseling system should have done more for him than just say “It’ll be okay and we’ll watch more.” Teachers and administrators shouldn’t turn a blind eye to this type of behavior. I know that it is hard to see it sometimes because now I am in a position in which I watch for it all the time, but if we keep an eye out for it, we may be able to save at least one kid.
Broken hearts and untamed thoughts. Until next week!
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