Day 35…Investing In Futures (4/30/10)

Well today was my last day at the school and my last class as an undergraduate. What a relieving day. It feels so good to be here at this place right now. School was really laid back. Today was a time for closure and further reflection.

For class, instead of doing the regular run that they do after the stretches, they played a game called “Torpedo.” While the game had eliminations and a lot of kids waiting for the end of the game, those students were engaged in cheering for their classmates. The game is almost like suicides but with tasks that are called out such as forward, backward, dew drop, and torpedo. . It’s a mix of Simon says and suicides. The dew drop is where the students have to run to a curved line on the basketball court and touch their toes. The torpedo is a squatting down and touching toes. The last student to do any of these tasks or cross the line is eliminated. If they don’t do the task right, then they are eliminated as well. You play until there is a female winner and a male winner. The students seemed to really enjoy this game

Today’s first class was a lot of fun. I got to play the whole time. It was a very small class because we had a lot of students absent today (5 total). We only had 15 students. Today was our last day for baseball/softball/mushball and like I promised the students, we played our tournament with brackets and prizes for the teams. I think they really enjoyed it and learned something over the past 4 weeks in this unit. Each team had 4 players expect for the one and I jumped in to play for that team. One student was not allowed to participate because of an injury, so I asked him if he wanted to be teacher for the day. This student is semi-responsible and so he took charge of the other court. He was kind of the teacher/umpire for that field. I was close enough to keep glancing over and make sure all things were going alright. The winning team of the tournament got to choose from the prize bag. There were a couple of students who were upset about them getting that opportunity. If I had enough prizes for everyone, all students would receive one, but I don’t. Thinking about it, I would probably plan it a little better so all students would receive something whether it be a ribbon, wristband, or anything else that was small and inexpensive.

We finished up the dances for the girls. One group did really well with theirs. It was the basic steps and a very simple slow song to dance to. The other group forgot their music but I had them do their dance anyway. It was quite complicated after a few beats. It was a group of cheerleaders and a lot of their moves involved intricate hand movements combined with the feet. I had them finish up just having fun and doing various dances. We did the Mississippi Mudslide, the Hey Baby dance, a dance to Blue Suede Shoes; Beat it, and Heartbreak Hotel. I thanked the girls for such a great time and had them fill out evaluations. I have yet to read what they wrote, but I think they were pretty good just from talking to the girls about it.

The last class of the day did their soccer tournament. We did it inside and so it was tight fittings but the students seemed to really enjoy the tournament. The kids really got into playing and the competitive side of things. We had brackets set up and they had 10-12 minute games. It was only 3 on 3 or 4 on 4 and I even got to jumped in and play with each team before the end of the class. This really helped to increase their motivation to playing. It also helped those who weren’t really participating to play because I would make sure they got the ball each time I touched it. The winning team also got prizes and there were two guys who kept complaining about it (because they weren’t the winners). They were my better students all semester and I had a few things left over, so I let them take the remaining items (nothing much just a pin, a sticker, and a keychain). They appreciated it.

I hope that we were here long enough to make a change in our cooperating teachers and the ways that students think about physical education. Why are teachers so strong-headed against change? Is it that they don’t understand the change themselves or are they so set in their ways that it is hard for them to change? Maybe I am just young enough to know there are many possibilities to answers and roll with the change and in fifty years, I will be making the same comments they are making. I don’t know. I would think that if they had a chance to help their students, why wouldn’t they? Isn’t this part of the reason why we choose to become teachers? We should be helping students learn, not question and spearhead how they learn. We should be adapting to the students instead of making them adapt to us.

At the very beginning of the semester I had always questioned what it would take to change my thinking from student to teacher. As I progressed through the semester, in the beginning, I felt like the only “big” student in school. I just didn’t feel like a teacher. Being in the school overtime helped me to change my thinking on this idea, but it just felt so weird. I know I have studied and have had experiences in my methods classes over the past four years, but this was a whole new feeling. In those situations, I was still a student. I was still learning how to teach. I guess you could say that I am still a student even though my profession is teaching, but we have to look at what being a student and a teacher mean. What is the definition of a student? One that learns. What is the definition of a teacher? One who teaches. It’s a reciprocal process. I will always be the student and the teacher. I will always be a learner whether in a class as a student or as a teacher learning from my students. I guess you could say I have been a student and a teacher all my life.

Both of my cooperating teachers have told me that out of all the years they have had student teachers, that I was the only one to take the initiative to do my own teaching. I guess that the others just followed what they were doing and adapted their teaching styles to become their own. I have used my own teaching style this semester. Why wouldn’t student teachers just take a leap of faith and teach the way they were taught and how they want to teach? I believe that you learn more about yourself than you would from your cooperating teacher telling you what to do. You have to make the mistakes yourself and learn from them. You can’t let someone tell you it won’t work and then not do it because they said so. You have to try it for yourself so that you can know firsthand that it needs to be adapted to work better or that it won’t work at all. I have learned what does and doesn’t work, how to teach to certain groups of students, how to be creative, how to adapt my lesson plans, how to think in the heat of the moment and in a matter of minutes be able to completely change my lesson plan because it wasn’t working for that group, and the list goes on. How can you not invest in your future as a teacher, but instead just hang on for the ride.

It’s not just about investing in our futures as teachers, but investing in the lives of our past, present, and future students. We have to better ourselves in order to serve the needs of an ever changing society and its kids. These students are the future. That sounds so cliché, but it’s true. Why shouldn’t we then be nurturing and furthering their education regardless of the process? Why fight something that can’t really be changed? Some of these students have the ability to think outside the box. Their thinking is more pliable. Who are we to make them regimented thinkers? We should be encouraging their creativity instead of telling them they are wrong because they don’t think like us.

This semester I have learned many of things and one of them being that labels exist even among teachers. I never knew that labels existed amongst teachers. I mean, growing up we labeled students in school: the jocks, girlie girls, nerds, dirties, and teacher’s pets. I fell into three of those categories. I was the jock, the nerd, and the teacher pet (from my perspective). Nowadays, the labels are even worse, but that’s another topic I won’t begin to divulge into today. Those categories may not exist amongst teachers, but newer categories have been developed for teachers in the schools. P.E teachers, and all the “specials” for that matter, are not considered “real” teachers. As far as classifications, this is how I see it: you’ve got “real” or “not real.” Then there is the “I am here for the paycheck and benefits” or the “I want to help kids learn and grow” teacher. There are the “mean” teachers and the “easy” teachers; the “fair” teachers and the “I pick favorites” teacher

It also has ticked me off whenever I hear other teachers refer to us as not being that important of a subject. Yes, we may not teach students math or science, or reading, but we go to school for the same amount of time and go through similar foundation courses all so we can teach the same students. We may not be with the same students all day long, but we get to have them in our class for four, five, and maybe even six years. We get to see the students develop over time. Why is it that people say “A P.E. teacher is someone who couldn’t teach anything else, but wanted to teach, so he/she became a P.E. teacher.” P.E. teachers have to do just as much as “regular” teachers. We have to scope and sequence. We have to plan and practice. We have to account for the differences of our students and be able to adapt for all learners and skill levels. If anything else, it’s harder because there are different levels for the numerous activities to be performed in P.E. We are constantly assessing and evaluating student learning. With everything else, it’s only math, reading, writing, science, or language. In P.E., we have running, jumping, throwing, catching, striking, shooting, and the list goes on and on. It’s also harder to assess because of the hundreds of students we teach. Regardless of what kind of teacher you or what your specialty is, we are all important and play big roles in our students’ lives. Physical education is a great subject in which cross-curricular lessons can be utilized. Everything I have done so far involves some sort of other subject whether it is reading, math, music, science and more. How can anyone say that P.E. is not a valuable class or something that the kids need in school? We have the best chance to promote fitness and healthy living as well as teach the students in other areas.

We felt like big fish in a small pond here at the university, but as graduation is getting closer and we are getting nearer to getting out into the bigger world, we’ll soon feel like small fish in a huge pond. However, we are swimming against the current. The things I have learned here and in this program I know are things that other undergraduates are not experiencing. I struggle with how things are going to be in the future. I worry about how I will do when I am finally out on my own without a supervising teacher being there. Right now, Dr. Oliver holds me accountable for my learning and being a good teacher, but what about after I graduate? I know I will have a whole slue of administrators watching me and evaluating my performance, but it’ll just be so different because it won’t be someone I learned from.

Will I continue to pursue excellence? My other fear with that is that I will settle into a comfort zone and stop pushing myself. On the other hand, I know how competitive I can be and I always try to excel in the things I do. However, I don’t want to become so set in my ways that after 5-6, even 10 years of teaching I stop wanting to improve. I guess I am just afraid of myself. Will I hold myself accountable when I am finally on my own? I compare this to the reason I never had alcohol yet. I know I don’t have addictive habits, but it’s a fear of myself and how I will respond to something like that. Also, it’s the act of self-perseverance.

There is always something special about that first group of students you work with as a student teacher; at both elementary and the middle school. They will be the ones you remember the most because they were the first group of students to be influenced by your teaching. They were the first group to see you teaching full classes. They experienced and watched you grow from a completely new teacher to a beginning teacher. They were there as you learned to be a teacher and honed your skills. They challenged you in ways no other group of students can. Yes, I will probably forget most of their names and lose most of their faces, and slowly cease to remember most of them, but I will always remember the times I spent with them and what I learned about myself this semester.

This experience has helped provide me with a foundation. It’s given me direction and some hope/guidance for the future. It really has shown me that this is why I became a teacher and this is what I chose to be. On days where I doubt myself and why did I get into teaching, I just remind myself of the days that I felt the most joy. Taking over a class for a whole day and for 16 weeks has really opened my eyes to what teaching is about. Sometimes you just have to experiment. You have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone and take risks. How do you know what kind of teacher you will be if you don’t push your limits? I would have to say that this experience is definitely a stepping stone into where I want to go in my career. I have pushed myself past my comfort zone and beyond my limits to just how far I could go. I have taught activities and games that I didn’t feel comfortable doing, but I did it anyway. I still have a long way to go and a lot to learn, it’s always a learning experience, but it has definitely provided the confidence booster and competence in knowing that I can teach to these students and try making a small difference in their lives.

Sometimes I wonder if I chose this profession, this career path, or if it was something that was pushed upon me; that I was swayed to be in this. Is it something that I really wanted or is there something more for me out there? Am I a fool for not pushing myself to become more? I have the ability to become a doctor. I am scared that I am settling; that I have gotten into a routine and am content with where I am at. I don’t want to disappoint anyone.

Even though I finish this journal and this experience, this chapter in my life, I know that there was and is so much more to say that happened over the past 16 weeks. It was all bittersweet in the end. At the end of the day today my colleague and I were giving each other high fives and congratulating each other for a job well done. We walked out with our heads held high and smiles on our faces. As we parted ways, I stood in front of my car and paused for a moment to take in everything that I was feeling. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, with my exhalation, a sense of peace washed over me and a smile spread across my face. With a heart full of joy and a twinge of sadness, I got in my car. I took one last glance at the school and the students and pull out of the parking lot. There is no looking into the rearview mirror, no looking back to what was but only looking forward to what could be. I set my sights on the horizon with the setting sun. My future lies ahead of me, waiting for me to arrive. As this part of my life comes to a close, I have to remain optimistic about the future. I can’t sit here and think about how scared I am to get out and start a life and career of my own. All of the fear is unnecessary. Perfect love casts out all fear and Jesus gives me that perfect love. I need to remember that as this chapter of my life finishes, God is writing another chapter for me to be in.

Well since this is my last day, there are no more “until tomorrows,” so I’ll say until the next time.

Day 34….Room To Grow (4/29/10)

Welp. Just one more day. I can’t help but sit here and think about the progress I have made over the length of the semester.

Today’s first class had their tournament play for Gaelic football. There were a few students missing so I moved one student from a team to another. Well, there was one student who wasn’t happy with that decision. That student absolutely refused to play. I told him, “All semester I have been doing everything that you wanted. Just because I move a person off your team doesn’t mean you can’t participate. You can’t always get what you want, but you can still play. It’s not like it’s the end of the world.” He still refused to play and sat out the whole class period. Everyone else did really well. They were engaged in the game. The winning team got to choose from the prize bag and they were pretty happy about that. I was surprised that the journals and planners were the first to go. I thought they would choose the games and toys.

The second class was also to do their tournament play today, but I made the executive decision to not have them do so. The gym was taken up by the talent show and my colleague’s class was on the other half of the outside courts. We didn’t have enough room on the basketball courts to hold our tournament. My colleague and I just combined our classes and allowed the students to have a free day. It went pretty well with both of us there and allowing the kids to interact with the other class. Our only stipulation was that they remain active. They couldn’t sit or stand around. Of course, I had to remind a few students to keep moving, but other than that it was a pretty good class.

The weather got really bad outside in the afternoon so we couldn’t take the kids out, but the gym was also overtaken by the talent show so we had nowhere to go with the kids. We just had the third class sit in and watch the talent show with the rest of the student body. It was nice to see the students get up in front of their peers and classmates and showcase their talents. It takes a lot of courage to do so, especially at this age when others are so judgmental about everything.

Today was a really laid back day and one in which I got to really think about and reminisce about where I started and where I am now. I am excited about the progress I have made as a professional and a teacher, but I know that there is still so much more to learn.

Just a little flash back to where I began. I get off my bike. It’s 7:49 in the morning. I push my hands out of my jacket and unbuckle my helmet strap. It was a chilled morning. My face was red, my hands were stinging and I could see my own breath. I finished locking up my bike and putting things in my backpack. I was worried if my hair was messed up from the helmet. I begin to walk along the side walk. It was just a short walk from where I parked my bike. Thousands of things run through my mind. Will I like this? What will it be like? What if I can’t do this? Will I be successful? What if I forget everything? Am I cut out for this? Am I prepared? What will we be doing today? And the list goes on and on. I imagine other people in my situation have asked themselves these questions as well, so I am not the only one.

It’s my first day of student teaching. I am nervous as all get out. I begin to doubt myself even before I walk through the door. I stare at the two big brown portals that symbolize my entrance into a whole new part of life. They stare back at me relentlessly, almost mocking my standing there. It’s teasing me to pull on its handle all the while saying that as soon as I enter, there is no going back. I take a big breath as I pull on the handle. It almost seemed like I was holding my breath and hanging on for life.

I pull. The door is locked. Maybe it’s a sign to turn around and forget about it. I could almost hear those doors laughing and saying “Just go ahead and walk away. That’s the easy thing to do.” I firmly stood my ground knowing that there really is no option to turn around and walk away. There is no way I am quitting now. I haven’t worked this hard for the past three and a half years in college and twelve years in elementary, middle, and high school. I did not put up with all the ridicule and criticism to stop now. It would just give all those people who said I couldn’t do it even more fuel to the fire. I didn’t go through all the bullying in school and drama of college to quit before I am finished. Plus, I don’t want to disappoint those who have helped tremendously in my being at this moment right now.

Once again, I take a deep breath before I plunge into the unknown. I pull the other door handle and it invitingly welcomes me in. I am met with this new rush of excitement and doubt. Will I be the teacher everyone expects me to be? Will I be the teacher these children need to develop the skills and knowledge to be active for a lifetime? I now have two options: let all that doubt cloud my vision and I won’t be the teacher those students need me to be or I can close my eyes, take a deep breath and walk down the hall that awaits my future.

Will I like this? Yes, I did enjoy myself. This is one of the better, if not thee best learning experience I have ever had. There was a great learning curve that occurred within me this semester and I can’t imagine going back to what I was before. I am still inexperienced, but I think I have made leaps and bounds compared to where I started.

What will it be like? It was frustrating and satisfying; stressful and fun; testing but yet rewarding; demanding but yet all worthwhile. The experience was awesome. I loved working with the students and children of different backgrounds. I loved being able to act like them during my lessons and I think that they really enjoyed me being animated. It helped them to get into the tasks themselves and showed them that it’s okay to enjoy yourself. I loved interacting with the kids and being able to enjoy my time with them. I learned so much from them and I can only hope they learned just as much from me.

What if I can’t do this? I did do it. I did make it through. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. Of course there were some rough patches, but with everything in life, those will exist. Yes, there were days in which I didn’t want to go in and days in which I just felt like I didn’t want to “deal” with the kids because I was too busy dealing with myself. Teaching is a profession that I would compare to a lesser scale of parenthood. It is a profession in which we have to be willing to give of ourselves for the greater good of the kids. We can’t think it’s all about us and what we do because ultimately it will be about the kids. Is what we are doing helping our students to become better students and individuals? Are they learning what needs to be learned? My focus should be more upon those students than it should be about me.

Will I be successful? I think it is very hard to come into teaching and not be successful in some way. In some ways, I believe I was successful, but I also believe that there is great deal that I still need to learn to better myself, better my knowledge, and to better my teaching. You come into student teaching

What if I forget everything? It is almost impossible to forget everything. Yes, there were a few things that took some time to refresh upon, but you just can’t forget everything. As in all things, you just need practice. You just need to get into teaching and the information and techniques will start coming back to you.

Am I cut out for this? Am I prepared? I was more than prepared. I was and have been readying myself for this all of my life. Everything that I have done before was just a foundation to where I am at now. I have been constantly building upon the experiences and the learning situations to get me to this point. All of my education, all of my time, all of my everything was leading up to this position. I doubt myself all of the time. Will I be the teacher I know I can be? I want to be the teacher that students remember whenever they graduate from high school. I had those kinds of teachers and I am still pretty close to them to this day. I want to be the same for my students. I want to be the one where the students can say, “She made a difference in my life. She helped me be who I am.” I just want to be so successful sometimes that it hurts. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach and in the midst of my throat that sometimes I feel like I am choking on it. What will it take for me to realize this? I know I don’t have to be the best in the field, but I want to be the best for my students. I guess you can just say I am scared of what will be. I am afraid about how things will turn out. I am afraid of all the unknown things that I am not in control of that makes me begin to doubt myself. All of that doubt is just fodder for the fear. As I reflect upon it now, it was unnecessary. However, as I think about the future and where it will take me and if I will be successful in my next teaching position, I can’t help but be scared. It’s just a natural thing.

I know that there is so much more that I need to learn to become a really good teacher. I will always have room to grow, that is no doubt, but there was so much that I learned in this process. I learned what to do, what not to do, and what I can do better next time. I am so glad that I didn’t listen to those doubts that I had at the beginning of this semester because I am so happy at where I am right now.

Until tomorrow!

Day 33….Time of Reflection (4/27/10)

So I have decided that the rest of the week will be a complete reflection over the past 16 weeks of this semester. I have had many of things come to me and of course, it’s me. I love to write and so here I am trying to type as fast as I can think. It’s difficult though because my thoughts are going a mile a minute. We’ll give it a shot. Hopefully I remember everything that I am thinking! I’ll start off with how things went today.

Welp. It’s already hump day. Only two more days life. What an experience. My first class today got to teach their games to other classmates. I think that they enjoyed it. I saw a lot of the students becoming engaged and participating in each other’s game. After observing each group and their game, I tried changing one of them up a little bit because there was a lot of waiting. The students seemed to go with it and didn’t complain. The changes seemed to be an improvement on their game and they said that it makes it better. After about 10 minutes of observing and making sure the students were participating, I started jumping into the games and playing with the students. I saw an increase in their intensity of participation. This just really goes to show that whenever the teacher participates, the students participate more. I realized today that I haven’t done a lot of that (playing with the students) lately. I guess I just get lost in observing and watching the students.

Before class, I was standing outside talking to one of the other teachers at the school. I noticed this boy was lining up for P.E. and he was crying. I pulled him aside and started talking to him and asked him what was wrong. He immediately started telling me “They won’t leave me alone. They keep harassing me.” “Who is they?” “All the 6^th graders. They keep bullying me.” Oh boy. Really. I have to have this conversation with this student so soon after the recent events. I just wasn’t ready to deal with this kind of problem so soon. He was reluctant to give me a kid’s name, but he told me eventually. I sent him to the counselor so he could talk to someone and I told my cooperating teacher.

At the end of this first class, the principal came into class and talked to everyone about their behavior. She had made an announcement over the intercom, but all of our students were outside. She talked to them about their pushing and shoving, inappropriate contact, and gossip. She said that it had to stop or they are immediate write ups. I hope that there is still the support there whenever we actually start sending the students to the office because of this kind of behavior. It is so prevalent anymore these days. Then again, it’s amazing how these kids are so protective of their sexuality, but yet they can hang all over each other. Then when you call them out on it, they begin defending themselves. There needs to be a change in student behavior and I don’t think that continuous write ups are doing the job.

The second class today was our adapted physical education class. They are so much fun and with this class, I have probably had the most fun all semester. Today, they finally brought all of the students instead of just a select few. We got out the scooters and some of us played scooter basketball while others got ropes and tied them on the scooters to pull the kids around. It was such a somber day with those kids because today was our last day with them. They were such great kids and a wonderful group of staff members who brought that class every week.

The third class was my honors class. My honors class started teaching their dances today. We only got to two of the groups because people in other groups were still on their fieldtrip. I must say that they did a fantastic job. I absolutely loved it. I started the class with a six minute warm up dance in which the students danced to how they feel the music. Well, I had a few girls doing it every once in a while and there was about three or four girls who didn’t really move. They did such a good job teaching. At the end of class, I had enough time to teach the Cotton Eyed Joe at the end of class. I combined 3 different variations. I believe the students really enjoyed this.

Dr. Oliver came to observe this class today and that was a lot of fun too. She jumped in and started dancing. It was really fun to dance with her even though she was very hard to lead. I am the same way though. That is why I always take the lead when I dance. It was so funny when the girls went to leave the class. I told one of the girls what a good job they did today dancing. The girl responded “Of course. We are cheerleaders. We know how to count beats.” I just kind of chuckled as she walked out the door.

The third class today also got to teach their games to each other. This class was more difficult to get involved and engaged. They got everything set up and played for the first 10 minutes. After that, they kind of just stopped playing. I had them switch who was teaching the game and once again, after 10 minutes they got bored. There were only a few groups of students who really got engaged in one another’s game. Near the end of class, I pulled them inside and talked to them about their participation and gave them the same speech about boredom and their games as I did with the first class.

Today I had to tell one of the students in my class that he had to stop touching me the way he does. Every time he comes into class, he always starts talking to me and puts his hands on my shoulders and has to face me and be real close. I just straight up told him that “it’s okay to talk to me face to face, but you need to stop putting your hands all over me.” He seemed a little taken aback by this, but he seems to be okay with it. It was just putting me in an uncomfortable situation and I finally had enough of it because it just kept progressing from one hand to two hands to actually up in my face. Some students just need to learn boundaries.

Overall, today I felt content with what the students were doing even after seeing some of the kids waiting around. It’s probably the senioritis setting in and me not really making a big deal out of the situation because I am leaving soon. I feel like if things were going to be changed and made different, it would have been done by now.

I am going to use the next couple of days as a time of reflection and remembrance of all that has occurred over the past semester. I have made it my personal goal to be the happiest, most optimistic person at any school I go to. I can’t believe the amount of negativity in some of the teachers that I have come across over the past 16 weeks and even here at the middle school or their lack of caring for the students. Then we wonder why students are the way they are. We wonder how they could be so bad and not care about their education. School should be a placed filled with people who teach because they care, not because it was the easiest thing for them to do to earn a half decent paycheck. School may be the only place children can go where some receive the attention they need because they aren’t getting it at home. I believe it’s when they don’t get it at either place is when they begin to act out. Acting out is a way for them to get attention. Most teachers succumb to it because it disrupts their classroom. Other teachers handle it pretty well and know how to react to those situations.

Over the course of the past 16 weeks, I have experienced two different groups of students. The students know when there is a newcomer. I have had a lot of students staring at me as I am walking down the halls or standing in their classrooms. One type of student will welcome you with open arms. They are glad that you are there because they like meeting new people or getting a chance to “suck up” to a new teacher. The other type of student will be resistant. They want nothing to do with you. They don’t acknowledge your presence. They feel as though they don’t have to listen to you because you haven’t been around. Some teachers are like this too. There are some who welcome you, want to work with you, and get to know you. They feel relieved whenever you come and want to do some of their job for them. Then there are others who don’t acknowledge the fact that you are in the school. They hate that you are there because they may feel like you are treading on their space. Some may think, it’s my way or the highway and you do what I tell you to do. I wonder if this is innate in all of us because I see it at both levels. Will the children grow out of it or will this aspect of their life remain the same. Meaning, they will never like new people coming in and out of their lives.

Some battles are not worth fighting for. As an instructor, you have to pick and choose and decide what is really important. Safety, first and foremost, should be on the top of the battle list. Setting up protocols is equally as important. A teacher doesn’t want chaotic classes, so he/she must set up the rules even when in later classes he/she will be constantly reminding students of those protocols. To me, protocols need to be something that is reinforced daily. You can’t just let it slide once because then every student will think that he/she can get away with it. However, the whole “coach” issue is something I have just let slide. Every once in a while, well almost every day, when a student says “Coach M,” I always say “Miss M.” It’s one of the things that I don’t put much emphasis on at this point because there are more important things on my list, but it is still something that I gently remind my students about.

It is so important for a teacher of any grade level or specialization to set up rules and protocols for the class and then consequences for breaking those. Without them, students can take advantage of you. Although, as a student teacher, this is difficult because rules and protocols are already set in place before you get there unless you start at the beginning of a new school year. This has been a challenge for me, but it is also teaching me how to work with my cooperating teacher. It makes it an easier student teaching semester when cooperating teachers are willing to work with you and incorporate your ideas into their lessons. I have had a different experience at both places. One was very supportive and always there but the other one was not as much. Not only is it a learning period for me, but they are gaining a good experience as well (or so I think).

A teacher needs to be firm with the students, but yet respecting and nurturing at the same time. This is something I struggle with, although I have gotten better at disciplining (considering where I started from). I always catch myself giving students “second chances.” Those second chances turn into 3, 4, or 5 chances. I know this is something I struggle with and it’s not because I don’t want them to think I am mean (that’s far from it). I just like to see the good in everyone and I, for some reason or another, think that maybe this time they will listen. Well, the majority of the time, they don’t!

Well, only 2 more days. Until tomorrow!

Day 32…Doing the Best I Can (4/27/10)

Wow! This all is just going by too fast. I can’t believe that Tuesday is already over and it’s going to be the middle of the week already.

Today, I did another day of student designed games. Today just reaffirmed why I like the classes on day 2 more than the ones on day 1. The classes today are so hard to work with. These students have so many attitudes and disrespect that it’s unreal. It’s nice knowing that I only have to teach to them one more time (Thursday). Don’t get me wrong, I have thoroughly enjoyed my time with all classes and students, but you can’t help but have favorites. It’s hard not to have favorites. I guess I shouldn’t say favorites, but rather those who you are more inclined to talk to. There are just some of those students or classes, whether good or bad, that you go to all the time or compare everything else to. For me, I go back to students because they are the ones who need lots of reinforcement and my continual acknowledgement of them helps them stay on task. Then there are others who are just good at everything so you want to always praise them for the effort they put in. It’s those kids who fall in between that get left out. These students I try to make it to the most. It’s a struggle because I am constantly reminding myself to get around to all students.

I tried doing student designed games with all of my classes. Student designed games helps the lower skilled students finally find enjoyment in physical education because they have the chance to make a game up in which meets their needs. The higher skilled students get bored because they want to play the games “right” or vice versa. It can go either way. For example, I walked up to one of the students and asked her why she wasn’t participating. She responded that she was bored. Inside I had to chuckle at her response. I proceeded to tell her, “How can you be bored during your own game. You’re the one who created it, so if you’re bored change it. Don’t complain to me about being bored. Change your game up so that it’s more interesting.” She just rolled her eyes, crossed her arms, and started walking away.

So I have decided that I am just doing the best I can; that’s all anyone can ask for. Compared to others, it may be the best and it may be the worst. I shouldn’t be concerned about that. I can’t make my standards based upon somebody else, but I need to base them off of my own skills and abilities. I don’t live a perfect life; only One person has, but that still doesn’t mean I can’t do the best for me.

Until tomorrow!

Day 31…Healing a Broken Heart (4/26/10)

Well, today starts my last week of student teaching. One day down, 4 more to go! While I am elated and relieved, how can you not be sad knowing that you’re going to be leaving the things you have established over the past 8 weeks?

The first class went pretty well. I had the students do student designed games today. The first class was doing the mushball unit and so I required them to design a game that dealt with using a bat and a mushball. It was quite nice to see all the types of games the students were coming up with. There were some groups that had to sit down and write and other groups that just got up and played. A few students were off task in the beginning and it was difficult to get them started.

However, before we started the class I had one student come up to me and say, “Miss, we are going to be changing units this week and we haven’t even played a real game of baseball.” I responded by saying “Yes, but we have played many mini games that are associated with baseball and softball and it looked like your were enjoying them just as much as a regular game.” It just gets me every time whenever a student tells me we are not playing the games right or even playing games at all. They definitely have not experienced anything but traditional based sports in physical education. I am hoping that by us being there these last eight weeks that our cooperating teachers will see that changing is not so bad and that they might have learned a few things from us.

The second class was really laid back. I took the first half of the class and did my dance lesson with them. We warmed up to the song “Hey Baby” and I think the students really liked it. Afterwards, we learned the Boot Scootin’ Boogie. It was a very simple country line dance. After this dance, I gave them an option on whether or not they wanted to learn the Cotton Eyed Joe, work on their dances, or go play in the gym. I feel pretty comfortable about having them play in the gym. This class has done really well for me that rewarding them with the free day wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Well just like in all things that you give options, some wanted to work, others wanted to learn, and the rest wanted to play. While the one group worked, I put on the Cotton Eyed Joe for the others to learn and dance to. After we did those two activities, we went out and a group played basketball and a group played soccer. I brought out the scooters with about 15 minutes left and had them play scooter soccer with a big exercise ball and scooter basketball with buckets serving as baskets. They really liked being able to play on the scooters. It provided a new challenge for them to overcome and conquer and with this being a very competitive class, it served to be a good end of the class period.

I guess you could say that the way I structured this unit was that for every genre of music I chose, there was both a line dance and a partner dance that the students had to perform. However, the disappointing fact is that I won’t get to my swing dance or multicultural lesson plans. The next two class periods they will be teaching their dances that they had created with their groups. It will be nice to see the type of dances that they came up with. There are a few groups that I am concerned about and what they have planned because they have not really used the time in class to practice the dance, they just listen and choose what music they want. It will be interesting to see what they conjure up. I am excited to sit back and learn them teach a dance they created instead of me teaching ones that I have put together.

The third class also did student designed games. However, this time I didn’t require them to make their games around the unit we were currently in (soccer). Things took off very slowly. It looked like nothing would get accomplished during this class period. There was one group though that completely had their game set and started playing within five minutes. However, on the other end of the spectrum, another group didn’t start playing until 15 minutes left in class. The majority of the other groups came up with a game, played it, went and changed it, played it, and changed it again until they got it the way that they wanted. This class also had some pretty good games.

I really like doing student designed games with my classes. It helps give me new ideas about activities that I can try with future classes in similar units. It really is a refresher, especially since teaching baseball/softball is so new to me and I don’t know a lot of lead up games. The games the students designed today are good enough to be lead up games for those future classes. I designed the two classes different to see how they would respond to structure and different set ups. I required that the first class design their games around the things we have been talking about and learning over the past couple of weeks. The last class of the day, I didn’t give them any structure. All I told them is that they were to design a game in which used the equipment in the corner of the gym. It didn’t have to deal with what we had been learning (soccer). I wanted to see how different each class would go about designing their games. To my surprise, the morning class did a lot better with designing their games than the class didn’t have structure.

There are different interpretations that I have been thinking about from these results. One, the morning class was a lot smaller than the afternoon class so it could have appeared to have gone better than the afternoon class. Secondly, the morning class consists of sixth graders and the afternoon class is a seventh grade class. I think that age level does play a role in how this all worked out. The sixth graders, at least at this school, still have a creative imagination. You can give them a general outline of what you want and they take it and run with it. I struggled with the seventh graders as far as this is concerned. A lot of the students kept saying how they weren’t creative enough, but I told them “Haven’t you ever played a game and wish it was played differently? Do that.” All they had to do was take the time to think about what they wanted to do or go and try it out and change it as they play. Thirdly, I believe that different groups of students respond differently to structure and no structure (as seen by our college group J ). A lot of these middle school students complain about there being too much structure and things being too regimented and they rebel against that stuff. However, as seen by the first class, the students did better under a structure as compared to that afternoon class that had no structure. Of course, age could play a factor in this as well, but it was just an interesting thing to observe today.

To change the subject, how do you stop a broken heart from hurting so bad? All I really want to do is just break down and cry. My heart is breaking for Ben and his family. My heart goes out to all these kids who might be going through the same things. I still can’t help but look at all these students and think about the things that they go through on a daily basis. There is a student who hasn’t been in class for the past two weeks. I came to find out that his dad was probably involved with a recent murder and he pulled his son out of school. This kid was a good kid. He was very polite and well mannered, but here things are totally different at home. People can do a really good job of hiding their emotions on the outside, but be torn up on the inside. I know, I’ve been there. My heart is also breaking knowing that I will be leaving pretty soon. If you figure out this answer, could you please let me know? Thanks! J

Until tomorrow.

Day 27…Know Where They’re Coming From (4/20/10)

Just another ordinary day. One more day of testing and then it’s over. I think I felt the most tired the past two weeks and it’s because of this testing crap. I think that there is a better way of implementing this testing. It’s all standardized so why can’t they break it up a little bit? Have a testing session all week and then not have the next week of testing until a month later. I think it is just too much for the students to have almost two full weeks of testing. It makes students do crazy things and teachers to be just frustrated and wishing it was all over.

My first class today was a riot. I love how the kids this age (6^th grade) think that they know everything. They are very egocentric. We continued with our personal fitness unit. We went over computing our nutrition and how to figure out how many calories are required for their daily living. I also briefly went over some basic nutritional facts about energy sources and then finished with energy boosters and zappers. We then went over to the weight room and they got to do circuit training.

The second class today was the honors class. I absolutely love teaching this class. This class gives me confidence in teaching. It builds every class and it’s especially important during this time because I am teaching an activity in which I am not too comfortable with yet. Today I taught the students how to two step (country dancing). It was funny because whenever I mentioned we were two stepping, the students thought that I was talking about the hip hop two step. I had them start with the basic side to side two stepping and then we moved into going backward and forward. After completing these tasks, I had them partner up and practice doing that with a partner. The next task was to learn how to lead and how to follow. Overall, this lesson turned out to be a really good one! I was so excited after the class was finished. The girls were pretty happy and I think that I really did teach them something.

The third class did the same kicking lesson as the other class yesterday. We focused on kicking for accuracy and kicking for distance. We didn’t get to do the Keep Away game because we were strapped for time, but like the other class, these students really liked the activities I had planned. I even noticed today that I am using more and more Spanish as the days and class periods pass by. My only fear is that I will gain that confidence but not in enough time since I only have a week and a half left.

It’s so funny to sit in the portable after the students are done testing and just listen to their conversations. The two main things they talk about are relationships and their parents. They talk about how their parents make life hard for them and they don’t let their kids do anything or how teachers are mean. I used to think that way too. I know where they are coming from. If only they could see themselves in 10 or 11 years when they become parents or authority figures, then they might reconsider. Everyone should be able to understand where their students come from and not be so mean all the time. They were once in that position. They were once the loud and obnoxious student in the halls or the ones who used to think that their parents and teachers didn’t let them do anything.

The relationships between the teachers here is incredible. Two of the teachers gang up on the other one. The only sad part about it is that they don’t confront the other teacher about the problems that they are continually talking about, they would rather say it to each other behind this teacher’s back. Why keep talking smack about the other teacher. Just confront them or do something about it instead of always bad mouthing.

Oh well. It’s not my battle. I don’t want to cause any conflict and then just up and leave. Until tomorrow!

Day 30….Looking At Things Differently (4/23/10)

I looked at things differently in two ways today. One was in such a way that regarded my teaching. It was nice to be able to relax last night and not worry about teaching today. The students have a field day all day long because of their testing success over the past two weeks. The students just came in during their scheduled PE time. Outside we had different stations set up such as hacky sack, 3 legged race, wooden skis, soccer, football kick, arm wrestling, Frisbee, and jump rope/hula hoop. We let the students go out and have a go at each of their stations at their own pace. They had an hour to do what they wanted. Not only was it our PE kids, but all the students who finished their testing. They did an hour for each grade. The 6^th graders had more fun with it than the eighth graders and I didn’t get to see the 7^th graders outside.

The weather had gotten a little worse throughout the day so we moved some activities inside for the 7^th graders. My cooperating teacher had asked if I wanted to do a dance station in the dance room. Of course I said yes because it was too windy for me outside. At first, it looked as if I wouldn’t get anybody in there and doing the dances, but they started trickling in. Of course, throughout the whole session, I only had females in there dancing. There would be a few guys who would stop by and look in the door, but none of them stayed to dance. I basically taught them all the dances that I had taught my honors class and I added a few that I hadn’t tried yet. I guess you could say it was a practice run at those dances and the girls really really liked them so it makes me feel comfortable about doing them with my honors class.

It wasn’t such a bad day after all. When we were outside in the morning, all we did is just monitor and make sure things were running smoothly. The first hour was rough because it was windy and cold. The second hour wasn’t as bad because the sun started coming out, but during the third hour, I could hear the rain and the hail hitting the windows. A couple of the students came in wet, but luckily all of this happened during the cleaning up part of the field day.

Just like the weather today, my thoughts were overcastted by yet another unfortunate tragedy that I had just learned about last night. I got a phone call from my mother who was crying. We had just talked about an hour ago and see told me she was going to see my uncle who is in the hospital. Immediately I thought that something happened to him and she was calling to inform me. Fortunately, it wasn’t about him, but it was sadly enough about another person we know. The phone call was very short but she told me that they found Ben, the son of a family that is really close to us, dead and that he either hung himself or died of a drug overdose. Unfortunately, he had gotten into drugs recently that cause a downward spiral in his life. However, what’s even more is that he was being bullied at school. I guess he couldn’t just take any more of it and he hung himself in the garage.

Ben would have been 17 today and graduating high school in a month. I feel so angry right now. Angry that he couldn’t live to see his next birthday. Angry at him for being so selfish. Angry and upset that is mother had found him and now she’ll have to live with that image for the rest of her life. Angry at the kids who bullied him into making this decision. Angry that somebody didn’t do anything to help (he had gone to counselors about it). Angry that kids these days just don’t think about their actions. They act in the moment and how they feel in the moment only to realize that once you complete the act of suicide, there is no coming back. I am angry at all these kids who have been posting things on Facebook and who think this is just a temporary thing. Do they understand the severity of this situation? Where were these so called “friends” whenever he was struggling with the ways of this world?

With these overcastting thoughts, I can’t help but look at these kids with another lens. I look at them and see that they are not much younger than what Ben was. They could be going through some similar stuff right now but you can’t see it. Will this student be in Ben’s place in 2-3 years or would this one? How can you go about saving these kids and making them feel like life is worth a lot more than just today’s satisfactions or feelings? The pain may be hard to get through today, but can they see the bigger picture of life? I have always said that God has put me in a place and has a plan for me. As I walk through the courtyard, through the fields, and in the hallways, I understand that I am here to help these kids. I just hope that I will be able to build up a relationship with all my students so that they will feel comfortable to talk to me or that I can develop in them a higher self esteem so they will be able to get through tough times like this.

Parents shouldn’t have to bury their children and no one should pass away by their own hands. There needs to be more education about bullying and preventative measures to help in situations like this. Whenever Ben sought help, the counseling system should have done more for him than just say “It’ll be okay and we’ll watch more.” Teachers and administrators shouldn’t turn a blind eye to this type of behavior. I know that it is hard to see it sometimes because now I am in a position in which I watch for it all the time, but if we keep an eye out for it, we may be able to save at least one kid.

Broken hearts and untamed thoughts. Until next week!