Well today was my last day at the school and my last class as an undergraduate. What a relieving day. It feels so good to be here at this place right now. School was really laid back. Today was a time for closure and further reflection.
For class, instead of doing the regular run that they do after the stretches, they played a game called “Torpedo.” While the game had eliminations and a lot of kids waiting for the end of the game, those students were engaged in cheering for their classmates. The game is almost like suicides but with tasks that are called out such as forward, backward, dew drop, and torpedo. . It’s a mix of Simon says and suicides. The dew drop is where the students have to run to a curved line on the basketball court and touch their toes. The torpedo is a squatting down and touching toes. The last student to do any of these tasks or cross the line is eliminated. If they don’t do the task right, then they are eliminated as well. You play until there is a female winner and a male winner. The students seemed to really enjoy this game
Today’s first class was a lot of fun. I got to play the whole time. It was a very small class because we had a lot of students absent today (5 total). We only had 15 students. Today was our last day for baseball/softball/mushball and like I promised the students, we played our tournament with brackets and prizes for the teams. I think they really enjoyed it and learned something over the past 4 weeks in this unit. Each team had 4 players expect for the one and I jumped in to play for that team. One student was not allowed to participate because of an injury, so I asked him if he wanted to be teacher for the day. This student is semi-responsible and so he took charge of the other court. He was kind of the teacher/umpire for that field. I was close enough to keep glancing over and make sure all things were going alright. The winning team of the tournament got to choose from the prize bag. There were a couple of students who were upset about them getting that opportunity. If I had enough prizes for everyone, all students would receive one, but I don’t. Thinking about it, I would probably plan it a little better so all students would receive something whether it be a ribbon, wristband, or anything else that was small and inexpensive.
We finished up the dances for the girls. One group did really well with theirs. It was the basic steps and a very simple slow song to dance to. The other group forgot their music but I had them do their dance anyway. It was quite complicated after a few beats. It was a group of cheerleaders and a lot of their moves involved intricate hand movements combined with the feet. I had them finish up just having fun and doing various dances. We did the Mississippi Mudslide, the Hey Baby dance, a dance to Blue Suede Shoes; Beat it, and Heartbreak Hotel. I thanked the girls for such a great time and had them fill out evaluations. I have yet to read what they wrote, but I think they were pretty good just from talking to the girls about it.
The last class of the day did their soccer tournament. We did it inside and so it was tight fittings but the students seemed to really enjoy the tournament. The kids really got into playing and the competitive side of things. We had brackets set up and they had 10-12 minute games. It was only 3 on 3 or 4 on 4 and I even got to jumped in and play with each team before the end of the class. This really helped to increase their motivation to playing. It also helped those who weren’t really participating to play because I would make sure they got the ball each time I touched it. The winning team also got prizes and there were two guys who kept complaining about it (because they weren’t the winners). They were my better students all semester and I had a few things left over, so I let them take the remaining items (nothing much just a pin, a sticker, and a keychain). They appreciated it.
I hope that we were here long enough to make a change in our cooperating teachers and the ways that students think about physical education. Why are teachers so strong-headed against change? Is it that they don’t understand the change themselves or are they so set in their ways that it is hard for them to change? Maybe I am just young enough to know there are many possibilities to answers and roll with the change and in fifty years, I will be making the same comments they are making. I don’t know. I would think that if they had a chance to help their students, why wouldn’t they? Isn’t this part of the reason why we choose to become teachers? We should be helping students learn, not question and spearhead how they learn. We should be adapting to the students instead of making them adapt to us.
At the very beginning of the semester I had always questioned what it would take to change my thinking from student to teacher. As I progressed through the semester, in the beginning, I felt like the only “big” student in school. I just didn’t feel like a teacher. Being in the school overtime helped me to change my thinking on this idea, but it just felt so weird. I know I have studied and have had experiences in my methods classes over the past four years, but this was a whole new feeling. In those situations, I was still a student. I was still learning how to teach. I guess you could say that I am still a student even though my profession is teaching, but we have to look at what being a student and a teacher mean. What is the definition of a student? One that learns. What is the definition of a teacher? One who teaches. It’s a reciprocal process. I will always be the student and the teacher. I will always be a learner whether in a class as a student or as a teacher learning from my students. I guess you could say I have been a student and a teacher all my life.
Both of my cooperating teachers have told me that out of all the years they have had student teachers, that I was the only one to take the initiative to do my own teaching. I guess that the others just followed what they were doing and adapted their teaching styles to become their own. I have used my own teaching style this semester. Why wouldn’t student teachers just take a leap of faith and teach the way they were taught and how they want to teach? I believe that you learn more about yourself than you would from your cooperating teacher telling you what to do. You have to make the mistakes yourself and learn from them. You can’t let someone tell you it won’t work and then not do it because they said so. You have to try it for yourself so that you can know firsthand that it needs to be adapted to work better or that it won’t work at all. I have learned what does and doesn’t work, how to teach to certain groups of students, how to be creative, how to adapt my lesson plans, how to think in the heat of the moment and in a matter of minutes be able to completely change my lesson plan because it wasn’t working for that group, and the list goes on. How can you not invest in your future as a teacher, but instead just hang on for the ride.
It’s not just about investing in our futures as teachers, but investing in the lives of our past, present, and future students. We have to better ourselves in order to serve the needs of an ever changing society and its kids. These students are the future. That sounds so cliché, but it’s true. Why shouldn’t we then be nurturing and furthering their education regardless of the process? Why fight something that can’t really be changed? Some of these students have the ability to think outside the box. Their thinking is more pliable. Who are we to make them regimented thinkers? We should be encouraging their creativity instead of telling them they are wrong because they don’t think like us.
This semester I have learned many of things and one of them being that labels exist even among teachers. I never knew that labels existed amongst teachers. I mean, growing up we labeled students in school: the jocks, girlie girls, nerds, dirties, and teacher’s pets. I fell into three of those categories. I was the jock, the nerd, and the teacher pet (from my perspective). Nowadays, the labels are even worse, but that’s another topic I won’t begin to divulge into today. Those categories may not exist amongst teachers, but newer categories have been developed for teachers in the schools. P.E teachers, and all the “specials” for that matter, are not considered “real” teachers. As far as classifications, this is how I see it: you’ve got “real” or “not real.” Then there is the “I am here for the paycheck and benefits” or the “I want to help kids learn and grow” teacher. There are the “mean” teachers and the “easy” teachers; the “fair” teachers and the “I pick favorites” teacher
It also has ticked me off whenever I hear other teachers refer to us as not being that important of a subject. Yes, we may not teach students math or science, or reading, but we go to school for the same amount of time and go through similar foundation courses all so we can teach the same students. We may not be with the same students all day long, but we get to have them in our class for four, five, and maybe even six years. We get to see the students develop over time. Why is it that people say “A P.E. teacher is someone who couldn’t teach anything else, but wanted to teach, so he/she became a P.E. teacher.” P.E. teachers have to do just as much as “regular” teachers. We have to scope and sequence. We have to plan and practice. We have to account for the differences of our students and be able to adapt for all learners and skill levels. If anything else, it’s harder because there are different levels for the numerous activities to be performed in P.E. We are constantly assessing and evaluating student learning. With everything else, it’s only math, reading, writing, science, or language. In P.E., we have running, jumping, throwing, catching, striking, shooting, and the list goes on and on. It’s also harder to assess because of the hundreds of students we teach. Regardless of what kind of teacher you or what your specialty is, we are all important and play big roles in our students’ lives. Physical education is a great subject in which cross-curricular lessons can be utilized. Everything I have done so far involves some sort of other subject whether it is reading, math, music, science and more. How can anyone say that P.E. is not a valuable class or something that the kids need in school? We have the best chance to promote fitness and healthy living as well as teach the students in other areas.
We felt like big fish in a small pond here at the university, but as graduation is getting closer and we are getting nearer to getting out into the bigger world, we’ll soon feel like small fish in a huge pond. However, we are swimming against the current. The things I have learned here and in this program I know are things that other undergraduates are not experiencing. I struggle with how things are going to be in the future. I worry about how I will do when I am finally out on my own without a supervising teacher being there. Right now, Dr. Oliver holds me accountable for my learning and being a good teacher, but what about after I graduate? I know I will have a whole slue of administrators watching me and evaluating my performance, but it’ll just be so different because it won’t be someone I learned from.
Will I continue to pursue excellence? My other fear with that is that I will settle into a comfort zone and stop pushing myself. On the other hand, I know how competitive I can be and I always try to excel in the things I do. However, I don’t want to become so set in my ways that after 5-6, even 10 years of teaching I stop wanting to improve. I guess I am just afraid of myself. Will I hold myself accountable when I am finally on my own? I compare this to the reason I never had alcohol yet. I know I don’t have addictive habits, but it’s a fear of myself and how I will respond to something like that. Also, it’s the act of self-perseverance.
There is always something special about that first group of students you work with as a student teacher; at both elementary and the middle school. They will be the ones you remember the most because they were the first group of students to be influenced by your teaching. They were the first group to see you teaching full classes. They experienced and watched you grow from a completely new teacher to a beginning teacher. They were there as you learned to be a teacher and honed your skills. They challenged you in ways no other group of students can. Yes, I will probably forget most of their names and lose most of their faces, and slowly cease to remember most of them, but I will always remember the times I spent with them and what I learned about myself this semester.
This experience has helped provide me with a foundation. It’s given me direction and some hope/guidance for the future. It really has shown me that this is why I became a teacher and this is what I chose to be. On days where I doubt myself and why did I get into teaching, I just remind myself of the days that I felt the most joy. Taking over a class for a whole day and for 16 weeks has really opened my eyes to what teaching is about. Sometimes you just have to experiment. You have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone and take risks. How do you know what kind of teacher you will be if you don’t push your limits? I would have to say that this experience is definitely a stepping stone into where I want to go in my career. I have pushed myself past my comfort zone and beyond my limits to just how far I could go. I have taught activities and games that I didn’t feel comfortable doing, but I did it anyway. I still have a long way to go and a lot to learn, it’s always a learning experience, but it has definitely provided the confidence booster and competence in knowing that I can teach to these students and try making a small difference in their lives.
Sometimes I wonder if I chose this profession, this career path, or if it was something that was pushed upon me; that I was swayed to be in this. Is it something that I really wanted or is there something more for me out there? Am I a fool for not pushing myself to become more? I have the ability to become a doctor. I am scared that I am settling; that I have gotten into a routine and am content with where I am at. I don’t want to disappoint anyone.
Even though I finish this journal and this experience, this chapter in my life, I know that there was and is so much more to say that happened over the past 16 weeks. It was all bittersweet in the end. At the end of the day today my colleague and I were giving each other high fives and congratulating each other for a job well done. We walked out with our heads held high and smiles on our faces. As we parted ways, I stood in front of my car and paused for a moment to take in everything that I was feeling. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, with my exhalation, a sense of peace washed over me and a smile spread across my face. With a heart full of joy and a twinge of sadness, I got in my car. I took one last glance at the school and the students and pull out of the parking lot. There is no looking into the rearview mirror, no looking back to what was but only looking forward to what could be. I set my sights on the horizon with the setting sun. My future lies ahead of me, waiting for me to arrive. As this part of my life comes to a close, I have to remain optimistic about the future. I can’t sit here and think about how scared I am to get out and start a life and career of my own. All of the fear is unnecessary. Perfect love casts out all fear and Jesus gives me that perfect love. I need to remember that as this chapter of my life finishes, God is writing another chapter for me to be in.
Well since this is my last day, there are no more “until tomorrows,” so I’ll say until the next time.
